


glimpses

by SandM1827



Series: stand by me [1]
Category: Animal Kingdom (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Implied/Referenced Incest, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-08-28 15:12:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16725810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandM1827/pseuds/SandM1827
Summary: The other students found him off-putting for his silence, his dirty and torn clothes, and perhaps even for the long hair that covered his face like a shield, allowing him to hide away in plain sight.





	1. the start

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd.  
> The verse title comes from [Stand By Me by Ki:Theory](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALY7OLaZ3Gw)
> 
> Characters and tags will be added as I go, and I'll add specific warnings for each chapter in the notes too. The mature rating is for future chapters, not this one.
> 
> Each chapter will be from a different point in Deran and Adrian's lives together, but they won't always be posted in order, so I'll try to put where they fall in the timeline in the notes. 
> 
> This one would be the very beginning, when Deran and Adrian officially meet.
> 
> While I usually do gif set previews for chapters, when chapters feature them as small children that's not really possible, so I'll just do dialogue snippets in the end notes.

Deran had first taken notice of Adrian in grade school when they were just little kids. They had been seated together in class thanks to no other students falling between 'Cody' and 'Dolan' on the roster. Deran couldn't remember seeing the other boy before and found himself wondering if he was new to the school or if they'd just been in separate classes the previous year.  
  
Of course, once Deran had noticed Adrian it was hard to un-notice him, especially when he seemed so peculiar compared to their classmates. He was quiet, didn't speak to anyone, not even the teacher no matter how much they prodded him. The other students found him off-putting for his silence, his dirty and torn clothes, and perhaps even for the long hair that covered his face like a shield, allowing him to hide away in plain sight. Everything that had the other children giving Adrian a wide berth only drew Deran in.  
  
Deran spoke to Adrian for the first time at recess. He'd been dangling from the monkey bars when he spotted Adrian standing by the chain link fence that surrounded the playground with one of the teachers supervising recess, Mrs. Peachtree, crouched beside him, encouraging him to join the other kids.  
  
"You can take a turn on the slide or climb on the jungle gym," The well-meaning teacher tried to ply Adrian with promises of fun. "Don't you want to play with your friends? I'm sure they would like to play with you."  
  
Adrian scoffed, staring at the woman like she was a special kind of stupid.  
  
"Come on, honey," Mrs. Peachtree took Adrian's hand, ready to lead him to whichever set of playground equipment she thought he might enjoy. "It's not healthy to be off by yourself all the time. I'll introduce you to some of your classmates."  
  
Adrian ripped his arm from the woman's grip, glaring at her as he lifted a hand, a singular finger raised high.  
  
"Oh, my god..." Deran screeched, slipping off the monkey bars and landing on the wood chips below.  
  
Deran had seen his older brothers flip each other off, he knew it meant something bad, but had never seen someone his age do it.  
  
"That was very disrespectful, young man," Mrs. Peachtree scolded the boy. "We do not use those kinds of gestures here. I will be calling your parents."  
  
Adrian only rolled his eyes as Mrs. Peachtree stalked off. Deran waited until the teacher was a safe distance away to approach the other boy.  
  
"Hi," He grinned at his classmate. "I'm Deran."  
  
Adrian said nothing, only stared at momentarily before returning his gaze out the chain link, as if he longed to be on the other side of it. Deran wasn't rebuffed by the lack of response, figuring if Adrian didn't want him around he'd let him know, much like he had done with Mrs. Peachtree.  
  
"I've never seen anyone show their middle finger to a grown up," Deran couldn't help but gush. "Not even my brothers would do that. It was so cool."  
  
He was met with silence for a second time, but he could see the sides of Adrian's lips quirk up in a smile and would take that as a win.

* * *

The first time Deran saw Adrian outside of school was at the beach. He'd been there with Craig, trying to learn to surf, but Craig wasn't much of a teacher when he kept getting distracted by girls. He'd pretty much abandon Deran to go flirt with a girl on the pier almost as soon as they arrived.  
  
Deran wasn't allowed to go into the water by himself, his mom thought he was too small and might drown. Still, the longer he was left on his own, the more he was willing to ignore his mom's rule and go in anyway. He picked up his board and was ready to wade into the water when the feeling of someone watching him stopped him in his tracks.  
  
He swiveled his head around to find the source, locking eyes with a pair of hypnotizing blue orbs. He couldn't keep the pleased grin off his face, recognizing his seatmate from school. Taking the other boy's imploring gaze as an invitation, he made his way over to him.

"Hi!" Deran greeted the other boy. "How's it going?"  
  
Adrian shrugged, eyes focused on the surfboard under Deran's arm. He waved a hand from Deran to the surfers in the water, his question clear.  
  
"Oh! Yeah," Deran nodded enthusiastically, motioning to the surfers riding the waves. "I can do that."  
  
Adrian raised his brows, a dubious expression on his face.

"I'm learning," Deran admitted sheepishly. "My big brother's teaching me."  
  
Adrian nodded slowly, glancing around Deran to catch a glimpse of the so-called brother.  
  
"He's up there with some girl," Deran jerked a thumb toward the pier. "Do you surf?"  
  
Adrian shook his head, suddenly morose. He reached his hand out to touch the surfboard, caressing it like it was something precious.  
  
"Maybe my brother can teach you too," Deran suggested, bouncing on the balls of his feet excitedly. "Unless you got a big brother or sister to do it."  
  
Again, Adrian shook his head, pointing to a little girl about their age, sitting a few feet away building a sand castle.  
  
"Just a sister, huh," Deran was almost jealous of that. "You're lucky. I've got three big brothers and a big sister, and they're all pains. It sucks."  
  
The remark earned him his first chuckle from Adrian.  
  
"My name's Deran," He introduced himself for the second time, in case the other boy had forgotten. "What's your name?"  
  
Deran knew the boy's name from school, but asked anyway, hoping to get the other kid to actually talk to him. Adrian opened his mouth like he would speak, snapping it shut just as quickly. He searched their surroundings, picking a piece of driftwood up off the ground and using it to write in the sand.  
  
"A...D...R...," Deran read off the letters as they were spelt out in the sand. "I...A...N... Oh! Like the lady in _Rocky_!"  
  
Adrian dropped the driftwood immediately, turning an ugly scowl in Deran's direction.  
  
"I'm not calling you a girl or nothin'," Deran tried to defend his comment. "I just heard your name on the movie is all."  
  
Adrian huffed, crossing his arms over his chest and turning away, giving Deran the cold shoulder.  
  
"I'm not making fun, honest," Deran insisted, nervous that he'd angered his new friend. "You, um, you don't talk much, do you?"  
  
Adrian glanced over his shoulder, studying Deran as if trying to determine the motive behind the question.  
  
"But you can talk, right?" Deran asked, waiting patiently for the other boy to confirm the assumption with yet another nod before continuing. "You just don't like to then. That's cool."  
  
Adrian seemed to relax at Deran's approval of his silence, appearing almost amused by it.  
  
"So, hey, um, would you wanna learn to surf with me?" Deran questioned, standing his surfboard up in the sand. "My brother could teach you to."  
  
The smile Adrian offered him was the brightest he'd seen yet. The other boy was obviously delighted at the prospect of learning, but whatever excitement he worked up left him when his sister ambled over, pinning herself to his side.  
  
"A," The little girl tugged at her brother's shirt sleeve. "I'm hungry."  
  
Adrian sighed, taking the girls hand and leading her to a ratty blanket laid out in the sand not far from where she'd been playing. He rifled through a princess backpack he'd left lying on the ground, pulling a sandwich out of a pocket. The little girl made grabby hands as her brother unwrapped the sandwich from its plastic covering and handed it to her.  
  
"You can't learn to surf 'cause you gotta take care of her, right?" Deran asked, noting the name _'Jess'_ scrawled on the backpack. "Well, maybe my sister could watch her while Craig teaches us to surf. Julia, that's my sister, she's real nice when she's not sick."  
  
'Sick', Adrian mouthed the words back to him, brows furrowed in concern.  
  
"Oh, uh, she doesn't feel good sometimes, and has to take special medicine," Deran didn't really know what was wrong with his sister, but he knew everyone got real mad whenever she took the medicine. "She's real nice, though. She looks after me sometimes when my mom's not home. If she'll watch your sister, will you learn to surf with me?"  
  
It took Adrian a whopping half a second to to agree, nodding his head vigorously.  
  
"Awesome!" Deran shouted, fist pumping the air. "This is gonna be so awesome, dude, you got no idea."


	2. the bad, the wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd.  
> Warnings: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Incest, and Molestation [nothing that hasn't been alluded to in canon]  
> The original character for this chapter would be Adrian's mother.

After a year or so of knowing Adrian, Deran felt confident calling him his best friend. They were in the same class at school, played together at recess, and surfed at the beach every weekend, but that was pretty much the extent of their friendship. They hadn’t spent any time together anywhere but the beach and school. Deran knew it was odd, other kids at school hung out all the time, stayed over at each others houses even, but he and Adrian had never done anything like that.

“Something on your mind, tiny?” His sister questioned as she set a bowl of cereal in front of him. “You look deep in thought for someone who just woke up.”

“Have you ever had a sleepover?” Deran asked, stirring his Lucky Charms with a spoon rather than eating them. “When you were my age, I mean.”

“Sort of. Before Baz lived with us, he used to stay over all the time,” Julia revealed, puttering around the kitchen to fix herself a cup of coffee. “Why? You want to have a sleepover?”

“Maybe,” He hadn’t decided yet. “Is it weird for boys to have sleepovers?”

“No.”

“Do you think Mom would let me have one?”

“Sure,” Julia nodded. “You’d have to have it here, though, Smurf won’t let you go to someone else’s house.”

“Okay,” He’d prefer the home-field advantage anyway. “I’ll ask Adrian if he wants to come over.”

“You really like him, huh,” Julia smiled softly. “You’ve spent a lot of time together.”

“Only at school and when we see each other at the beach.” That wasn’t _a lot_ of time, not really. “He’s always at the beach, you know. Whenever we go, he’s just there.”

“Maybe he lives nearby,” Julia speculated. “If we lived in walking distance of the beach, you’d be there all the time too.”

“I don’t know where he lives,” He’d never asked, but he knew it had to be somewhere within their school district boundary lines. “He doesn’t even have a phone.”

“Not everyone does,” Julia murmured, sipping her coffee as she formulated a plan. “How about this, I’ll pick you up after school today, that way when he says yes to your sleepover, I can drive you both to his house so he can ask his parents, okay?”

“Okay,” Deran liked that plan, even if it hinged on uncertainty. “You really think he’ll say yes?”

“Of course I do,” His sister leaned over the kitchen island, cupping his cheeks between her hands. “How can anyone say no to your adorable face?”

* * *

 

Since Deran and Adrian had taken a liking to one another, their teacher had begun to find them disruptive and tried to keep them separated. _Tried_ being the operative word. Often times, they found a workaround or just ignored the rules all together.

“Dude,” Deran slid into an open chair beside his friend. “I have an awesome idea.”

“Mr. Cody, that is not your seat any longer,” The teacher admonished him. “You’ve been told that more than once. Please move back to your assigned desk.”

“I’ll move in a minute. I just gotta ask Adrian something important,” Deran waved off the teacher with a flick of his wrist, turning his attention to Adrian alone. “You should come to my house after school, and you should stay the night.”

Adrian’s brows shot up his forehead, eyes wide with something akin to panic. It wasn’t a flat out no, that’s all that mattered.

“It’ll be so much fun,” If his friend wasn’t completely on board yet, Deran would just have to convince him. “We can play video games and go swimming, and tomorrow we can go surfing.”

Adrian considered the offer for a moment, taking a purple crayon from the box on the table and scrawling _‘Jess?’_ on the corner of this math worksheet.

“Oh, uh, no,” Deran said awkwardly, scratching the side of his head. “I thought it could just be you and me, at my house. She’ll be okay, right? It’s only one night. Your parents can take care of her for one night, right?”

Adrian chewed his bottom lip nervously, staring down at his sister’s name on the paper before nodding slowly.

“So you’ll come?”

Adrian nodded again, this time it was accompanied by a bright grin that spread warmth through Deran’s chest.

“Awesome!” The only thing that could contain Deran’s excitement was knowing they still had an entire day of class to get through before they got to the fun stuff. “Hey, do you actually know how to do this worksheet? ‘Cause I’m so lost, dude.”

Adrian shook his head, gesturing to the kid across the table who seemed to be breezing through the math problems with no issue.

“Oh, you’re cheating,” Deran could respect that, he’d be doing the same thing if he could. “You’re lucky, my new seatmate, Colby, he's dumber than I am.”

* * *

 

As promised, Julia was there to pick them all up at the end of the school day. Adrian directed her through town using well-timed hand movements, leading them to a campground just off the beach.

“This is where you live?” Julia asked timidly, pulling the car into a space in the makeshift dirt parking lot. “It’s...different.”

Offering only a shrug in response, Adrian unbuckled his seat belt and proceeded to help his sister out of the vehicle. Deran and Julia piled out after them, following the pair to a small motorhome parked nearby.

“Hi, Mama!” Jess called out to a woman lounging in a lawn chair outside the trailer.

“Hi, pretty girl,” Mrs. Dolan greeted her daughter, smiling around her cigarette. “Did you have a good day at school today?”

“Yeah,” Jess nodded, climbing onto her mother’s lap.

“And you and your brother brought home visitors,” She eyed the Cody siblings suspiciously, her eyes eventually landing on her own son. “You wanna introduce me to your friends, sweet boy?”

“That’s Deran,” Jess took it upon herself to speak for her brother. “And his sissy, Julia.”

“Adrian’s surfing friends,” Mrs. Dolan concluded, expression shifting to something more cordial. “I’m Adrianna, Jess and Adrian’s mother.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Dolan,” Julia smiled courteously. “I’m sure you know my brother and your Adrian have become pretty good friends over the last year.”

“I may have heard that rumor,” Adrianna smirked. “It’s the only thing Adrian’s talked about in months.”

Adrian groaned, his cheeks flushing red with embarrassment over his mother’s words.

“Deran’s been the same way,” Julia grinned, ruffling her brother’s hair. “Anyway, Deran was wondering if Adrian could come over tonight for a little sleepover. Our mother already gave us her permission.”

“If your mother’s okay with it, I don’t see a problem,” Adrianna said, reaching out to snag a handful of her son’s shirt, tugging him closer to her. “What do you think, sweet boy? Do you want to goto your friend’s house?”

Adrian hesitated, gazing at his sister, second-guessing his earlier decision.

“Pretty girl will be fine, you don’t have to worry,” Adrianna assured the boy. “If you’re going, you’re gonna need a change of clothes and your tooth brush. Go on and get ‘em, but don’t you dare wake your father.”

Adrian didn’t need to be told twice, he bolted into the trailer so fast you’d think his ass was on fire, like he thought his mother might change her mind if he waited another moment.

“Deran said you don’t have a phone, but I wrote down our number and address for you,” Julia slid a sticky note from her pocket, handing it off to the older woman. “So you’ll know where Adrian is and how to get a hold of him.”

“Oh, thanks,” Adrianna didn’t spare the paper a glance, just slipped it into her cigarette case for safekeeping. “You should know, Adrian’s never been to a sleepover before. He sticks pretty close to home.”

“Deran’s never been to one either,” Julia draped an arm around Deran, bringing him to her side. “Mom doesn’t let him go far, he’s her baby.”

“I’m not a baby,” Deran pouted, shaking off his sister’s hold. “Stop telling people that.”

“Me and our brothers will be home all night,” Julia continued. “We’ll keep an eye on them, make sure they don’t get into too much trouble.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Adrianna muttered, stubbing out her cigarette. “I don’t know much about your family beyond that you all like to surf. What do your parents do for a living?”

“Our dads aren’t around, but our mother’s a, uh, small business owner.” It was a partial truth, but still sounded like a lie coming from Julia’s mouth. “And you and your husband?”

“My husband’s between things right now, but I dance,” Adrianna divulged shamelessly. “Exotically.”

“Oh,” Julia faltered, but was saved from having to come up with a polite response when Adrian shuffled out of the trailer. “Ready to go, kiddo? You got your overnight bag?”

Adrian nodded, holding up his backpack.

“Have a good time, sweet boy,” Adrianna blew her son a kiss. “I don’t want to hear about you causing any trouble over there, so you better be on your best behavior.”

* * *

 

The Cody house was huge, at least from Adrian’s perspective. On the tour Deran had given him, he’d seen a den bigger than the trailer he called home, a kitchen more than one person could occupy at a time, an in-ground pool, and _five_ bedrooms. To cap things off, there were TV’s in almost every room, a big screen in the den, and video game systems that Adrian had only ever seen in newspaper advertisements. And if the prominent display of the family’s wealth wasn’t overwhelming enough, then there were Deran’s brothers.

Craig was okay, Adrian had known him from his surfing lessons with Deran, and they’d sort of become friends themselves. The adopted brother, Baz, made the same dumb ‘Rocky’ comment as Deran, but it felt more like an intentional dig than a slip up, so Adrian decided he wasn’t gonna like him very much. The oldest of the brood, Pope, had stared at him without blinking for what Adrian was sure was a full five minutes, but it wasn’t as unsettling as one might think. Both Baz and Pope seemed to share a uniquely close relationship with Julia, both vying for her attention the second they came through the door, which was a little strange but Adrian was smart enough not to mention it.

He didn’t meet Deran’s mother, Janine “ _Call me Smurf, baby_ ” Cody, until dinner, and honestly, he wasn’t as impressed by her as she was with herself, and the sentiment was mutual. Past general introductions and a snide remark about Deran ‘donating’ a surfboard to him like he was some charity case, Smurf seemed content to just disregard his presence. In fact, throughout the entirety of the meal, she ignored him to the point of forgetting he was there, but he couldn’t take it personally when she was giving Julia and Craig a similar treatment.

The dinner itself revealed an interesting dynamic within the family. Smurf treated her adopted son like the stereotypical ‘man of the house,’ conversing with him about work and all the trouble the other kids had gotten into that day. The eldest and youngest Cody boys were doted on like toddlers, their food cut up into small bits by mommy’s practiced hand, with promises of an extra special dessert if they ate all their vegetables. As for the only daughter and the middle son, they might as well have not been at the table at all for all the attention their mother showed them for the duration of the meal.

Smurf’s behavior didn’t faze Adrian, but he was still happy when the dinner was over and he and Deran were left to keep themselves entertained. Deran’s idea of fun was to teach Adrian to play _‘Street Fighter’_ , having been appalled to learn Adrian had never used a PlayStation before. The game had kept them glued to the TV right up until they were sent to bed sometimes after midnight.

Deran had it in his head that he and Adrian could sleep in his room together, in a fort built of blankets, pillows, and sheets, but Smurf swiftly put a pin in that idea. She made Deran sleep in his own room alone, and fixed up a pallet for Adrian on the couch in the den. It wasn’t until a short while later that Adrian was hit with _why_ Smurf was so strict about the sleeping arrangements.

Adrian had a clear line of sight to Deran’s room from his spot on the couch, and being unable to sleep in unfamiliar surroundings, he spent a considerable amount of time staring at the door of it. He was busying himself wondering what it would be like to have a room of his very own when Smurf sauntered out of the darkness, wearing nothing but a silk robe. He pretended to be asleep as she twisted the knob and entered Deran’s room, carefully shutting the door behind herself with a barely audible thud.

Adrian didn’t know how long Smurf was in there, but it felt too long. When she finally reappeared, she was adjusting her robe to cover her naked breasts and licking her lips like she was savoring the taste on them. He fought the urge to vomit as he watched her disappear down the hall toward her own room.

No sooner did he hear the hinges of her bedroom door squeal did he jump off the couch and make a beeline for Deran’s room. He didn’t bother to knock or announce himself as he rushed in, grabbing a chair from the desk and rigging it under the door handle it prevent it from being opened from the outside. It was only when he felt the room was secure that he turned to meet Deran’s wide eyes and questioning gaze.

“A monster,” Adrian whispered by way of explanation. “There’s a monster out there.”

“A monster?” Deran sat up, taking extra care not to let his blanket slip past his waist. “What monster? One of my brothers? Did they scare you?”

Adrian shook his head, picking up a framed photo of the Cody matriarchy from Deran’s bedside table.

“Oh, she’s not...she’s not a monster,” Deran claimed, his body betraying him as it began to tremble. “She just..she needs me at night. She doesn’t like to be alone.”

Adrian dropped the photograph carelessly in response, sending a pointed glance to Deran’s discarded pajama pants and underwear lying on the floor.

“What?” Deran furrowed his brows in confusion, snatching his clothing off the rug. “It’s not...it’s not wrong. It’s what moms and sons do together.”

“No,” Adrian snarled, his voice hoarse from lack of use. “It’s what moms and dads do together, not… No.”

“You’re wrong,” Deran growled, sliding his clothes back on under the covers.

“You’re wrong,” Adrian spit back, tears glistening in his eyes. “She’s not supposed to do that to you. It’s bad. She’s bad.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Deran hissed, turning over to face the opposite wall, putting his back to his friend. “I liked it better when you didn’t talk.”

* * *

 

When Deran woke the next morning, he expected Adrian to be gone, but instead found him wide awake, sitting ramrod straight in the chair shoved against the door. The red rings around his eyes stood out against his pale skin, as did the dried tear tracks on his cheeks. Deran was wracked with guilt when he realized that despite what he’d said, his friend had stayed up all night to guard the door, to protect him.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Deran croaked, remorse flooding through him. “I know you think you were helping, but you don’t...you don’t understand.”

Adrian spread his arms wide in a ‘go head’ gesture, giving Deran the floor to speak his piece.

“My family’s not like other peoples. We do things different,” It had been drilled into Deran that they didn’t talk about those sorts of things, because strangers wouldn’t get it. “I don’t...I don’t like what Smurf does. It feels wrong, makes me feel gross. But she says...she says it’s what moms and sons do together when they really love each other, so maybe...maybe it feels wrong because I’m wrong. Maybe I’m broken because I don’t like it.”

“No,” Adrian shook his head, standing from the chair. “It’s wrong. She’s wrong. Not you. You’re not wrong. She’s wrong. She’s bad. She’s hurting you.”

“She’s my mom--”

“Moms and dads hurt their kids all the time,” Adrian mumbled, rubbing a spot on his arm not visible through his sleep shirt. “They’re not supposed to.”

“Do yours?” Deran asked, eyes raking over his friend’s body, searching for an injury he might not have noticed before. “Do your parents hurt you?”

“Not like your mom hurts you,” Adrian murmured, scrubbing his tired eyes with a fist. “You should tell someone.”

“I told you,” Or, well, he’d figured it out himself and Deran didn’t try to deny it, but whatever, same difference. “You’re someone.”

“A grown up.” Adrian clarified. “You need to tell a grown up. They could take you away from her.”

“No!” Deran shouted, icy spikes of fear shooting up his spine. “They can’t take me away.”

“You’ll be safer.”

“I’ll be alone,” Deran had never been alone, he didn’t know how to be alone, he _**couldn’t**_ be alone, not ever. “No, I….”

“I’ll come with you,” Adrian volunteered without a second thought. “Me and Jess, we can come with you, then you wouldn’t be alone. No one would look for me and Jess.”

“They’d look for me,” Deran’s mother would burn the world down to get him back. “If your parents are hurting you, why haven’t you told a grown up?”

“I have, but it’s not...it’s not the same,” Adrian argued, pacing the length of the room. “What Smurf does to you is worse, people would care more.”

“Why?”

“They just would, okay?” Adrian snapped, his frustration mounting. “I don’t… Deran, I don’t want your mom to hurt you no more.”

“I don't want your parents to hurt you either,” He almost wished Adrian hadn’t told him, that way he could pretend his friend was somewhere nice when they weren’t together. “W-What do your parents do? You said it wasn’t the same as Smurf.”

“They get angry a lot,” Adrian admitted, curling his arms around himself. “My dad uses his fists, he’s really strong. Mom likes to use a belt, but she doesn’t do it as much.”

“Do they hurt each other too?”

“Yeah, but I...I think I like it better when they hurt me. It’s worse, _louder_ , when it’s just them,” Adrian said, lowering himself to sit on the floor, knees pulled to his chest and back pressed against Deran’s bed. “They don’t hurt Jess, though. I won’t ever let them.”

“Does it,” Deran paused, swallowing around the lump that had formed in his throat. “Does it get very bad?”

“Sometimes it all goes dark when they’re doing it,” Adrian confessed, fidgeting with a loose thread on his pajama pants. “When I open my eyes again, I’ll be on the couch with ice packs and bandages. Mom does that, takes care of me after. It’s how she says sorry.”

“Have you ever had to go to the hospital ‘cause they hurt you so bad?”

“Dad says hospitals cost too much money,” Adrian huffed, rolling his eyes. “We goto the free clinic sometimes, but we gotta goto the ones in other towns so no one recognizes us.”

“Oh.”

“Does your mom...” Adrian trailed off, considering the question for a moment. “Does she hurt your brothers and Julia too?”

“I- I don’t know,” Just thinking about it made Deran’s skin crawl and bile rise in his throat. “I hope not. I don’t like ‘em sometimes, but I don’t want them to feel...like this.”

“I don’t want _**you**_ to feel like this,” Adrian grumbled, looking over his shoulder at him. “I want you to be safe.”

“Nowhere is safe,” Deran had never been anywhere else, but of that fact he was certain. “She’ll always be there.”

“I’m safe,” Adrian put as much conviction as he could manage behind his words. “I’m safe for Jess. I can be safe for you. I won’t let her hurt you.”

“You can’t stop her,” No one could stop Smurf from doing anything to anyone, she was too strong. “You don’t know her. You don’t know what she does to people she doesn’t like.”

“She made me sleep on the couch and she closed the door because she knows what she’s doing is wrong and that she can’t let anyone see,” Adrian deduced, having figured Smurf out after only a few hours in her space. “She can’t hurt you if I’m with you.”

“You can’t be here all the time.”

“I can be here enough,” Adrian insisted. “I can keep you safe when I can.”

“What about you?” Deran wasn’t the only one being hurt by someone who was supposed to take care of him. “Can I be safe for you?”

“My mom and dad can’t hurt me if I’m with you,” Adrian acknowledged, resting his head back on the bed. “I-I’m gonna be quiet again, okay?”

“Why?” Deran found he kind of liked the sound of his friends voice. “Why don’t you like to talk?”

“My parents don’t like it,” Adrian muttered sullenly. “They say I’m just noise. I don’t want to just be noise.”

“I like your noise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Deran steps up to help Adrian deal with an unexpected loss.


	3. abandon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd.  
> Warnings: Child abuse, mentions of drug abuse and alcoholism.  
> Deran and Adrian would be around 11yrs old in this chapter and Adrian's pretty much a sharp tongued little ball of rage.

When Deran was small, Smurf would wake him and his brothers by sitting on the edge of their beds and peppering kisses all over their faces, but since Adrian had begun sneaking in to sleep on Deran’s floor in the middle of the night, Deran had taken to using an alarm clock to wake himself up. He’d set it an hour early, sometimes two, so Adrian could sneak back out before Smurf came in to complete her morning routine. Over the years, he’d become accustomed to the clock blaring in his ear at an ungodly hour, but that didn’t make it any less annoying.

“Oh, my god. Shut up,” Deran groaned, groping blindly for the offending object until finally making contact and flicking it off. “Thank you.”

He rolled over, seeing Adrian curled up next to the bed, head resting on one of Deran’s extra pillows. He hated to wake him when he looked so peaceful, but Smurf would throw a fit if she saw he was still there when she got up.

“Adrian,” Deran whispered, leaning off the bed to shake his friend’s shoulder. “Hey, get up.”

“No,” Adrian yawned, stretching out on the floor. “Five more minutes.”

“The floor can’t be that comfortable,” He hated making Adrian sleep on the floor, but he didn’t want to think about what Smurf would do if she caught them in bed together. “If you get up now, I’ll snag one of Pope’s protein bars for you for breakfast.”

“That’s okay, those things are gross,” Adrian grimaced, staggering to his feet, his limbs not as awake as the rest of him. “I took a few bucks from my dad’s wallet, I was gonna pick up some bread and butter on the way home.”

“Your dad’s working again, huh?” Since Deran had known Adrian, Mr. Dolan hadn’t been able to hold down a job for longer than a few months. “What’s he doing now?”

“Construction,” Adrian said as he slipped on his shoes. “If he can stop drinking, maybe he’ll actually be able to keep this job.”

“That’d be nice,” Not that Mr. Dolan was any easier to get along with sober. “Maybe he just needs rehab or something, like my sister.”

“Rehab hasn’t really worked out for Julia,” Adrian remarked, pulling his hoodie over his head. “How’s she doing this time around?”

“I don’t know. Mom won’t let us go visit,” Smurf was taking the tough love approach to dealing with his sister. “I hope she comes home soon. I’m tired of babysitting her kid.”

“You got him again today?”

“I get him everyday after school until Julia gets back,” Babysitting had fallen to him because he was the youngest and his brothers sucked. “You want to help me this afternoon? You can bring Jess.”

“Sure,” Adrian agreed, making his way to the bedroom window. “I’ll see you at school, okay?”

“Yep, see you later.”

* * *

 

The benefit of having uninterested parents was that Adrian could come and go as he liked without them pitching a fit. So long as Jess was put to bed first, they didn’t care if he slipped out in the middle of the night and didn’t come home til morning. And if he happened to come through the door with something they needed, such as groceries, no one asked where he got the money to pay for them or if he stole them, they just gladly accepted them without question.

“You couldn’t have sprung for some peanut butter?” His mother complained as she unloaded the food he’d picked up on the way home. “I swiped some packets of jam from the diner. We could’ve had PB&J.”

“Peanut butter is expensive,” Milk, eggs, and butter were all he could afford with what he snaked out of his dad’s wallet. “Maybe you can pick some up later.”

“We’ll see,” She hummed, opening the loaf of bread to fix breakfast. “You want toast?”

“No, I’m okay,” He’d splurged at the store, buying himself a cheap doughnut when he should have been saving the change for later. “You can make some for Jess while I get her up for school.”

“Jess isn’t going to school today,” His mom said, grinning brightly. “She’s playing hooky with me. We’re going to have a girls day.”

“Girls day?”

“Yeah, we’re gonna go shopping, get our nails done, get haircuts,” She reached out and ruffled his blond locks. “Your hair’s gettin’ pretty long, you could use a cut. Wanna come?”

“No, thanks,” He hadn’t emotionally recovered from when she’d shaved his head after a lice outbreak in grade school. “When will you guys be back? I was going to take her with me to Deran’s after school.”

“I don't know when we’ll be back.”

“She goes to bed at 7:30,” He tried to keep his sister on a strict schedule. “She gets upset if her routine is interrupted.”

“No, sweet boy, _you_ get upset when her routine is interrupted,” She countered, rolling her eyes. “You get her to bed on time, so you you’re not late for your nightly rendezvous with Deran.”

“It’s not a...rendezvous.” He wasn’t even entirely sure what a rendezvous was but he didn’t like the teasing way she said it. “He’s my best friend.”

“Sure, sweet boy,” She said condescendingly. “Look, you don’t have to worry about Jess. I know how to take care of my daughter.”

“Yeah, sure,” Adrian might’ve believed that if he had ever seen it happen in his sister’s whole life. “Remember she needs to eat three times a day and she’s allergic to apples.”

“You need to watch that tone,” His mother scolded him. “I can take care of my kid.”

“If you say so.”

“Tone,” She admonished him. “Do we need your daddy’s belt?”

“No, ma’am.” The last thing he wanted to do was have to sit on a hard plastic school chair while his ass was smarting. “Sorry.”

“Just goto school.”

* * *

 

Afternoons used to be fun for Deran. He’d ride his bike home after school, stay long enough to swap his backpack for his surfboard, and then meet Adrian at the beach where they’d surf until dark. Now, with Julia away and her kid dumped on him, Deran was pretty much home bound.

“Uncle,” J pouted, staring up at him with a pair of puppy dog eyes. “I’m hungry.”

“We’re trying to do our homework,” Deran drummed his pencil over the history textbook. “Go do yours.”

“I don’t have none, I’m four,” The child held up four chubby fingers. “I’m hungry.”

“Craig and Baz ate all the snack foods, and Smurf hasn’t gone shopping yet,” There were things to eat, but it all had to be cooked, and Smurf didn’t like Deran using the stove. “So you’re out of luck.”

“But I’m hungry!” J whined, stomping his foot.

“Is there stuff for mac & cheese?” Adrian asked, rubbing his temples like he had a headache. “Or ramen noodles?”

“We’ve got mac & cheese,” Deran motioned to the cabinet Smurf kept all the boxed foods in. “He won’t eat it, though. He only eats mac & cheese if Julia makes it, ‘cause she makes it better than anyone, apparently.”

“If he’s hungry enough, he’ll shut up and eat it,” Adrian muttered, standing from the bar stool and moving around the kitchen. “Can I make it?”

“Yeah, please, go for it,” Deran gave his friend free reign of the kitchen, if only to shut his nephew up. “J, go watch TV in the den. I’ll bring you your food when it’s done.”

“Fine,” J huffed, running off to the living room as instructed.

“I really hope Julia comes home soon, 'cause I am so tired of babysitting her kid,” Deran sighed, scrubbing a hand down his face. “I mean, I don't get it, your sister’s never been that annoying.”

“She’s older than him by a few years,” Adrian reminded him. “She’s learned to behave, he will too.”

“Sure,” Deran wished the kid would learn sooner rather than later. “Hey, you really think your mom took your sister on some kind of girls day? That doesn’t sound like her.”

“I don't know,” Adrian replied as he rifled through the cupboards for the ingredients he needed. “She’s been doing better since Dad went back to work. The less time they spend together, the better things are.”

“Maybe they should get divorced.”

“Oh yeah, then Jess and me can bounce back and forth between one crap place to another,” Adrian shook his head, dropping the box of mac and cheese on the counter top. “Or worse, they split us up, and I’m not around to protect Jess anymore, and whoever she ends up with starts hurting her.”

“And if they stay together, they both keep hurting you,” Deran didn’t want to see Jess hurt, but he hated knowing Adrian took the brunt of the abuse. “That’s...that’s not okay.”

“It’s better when they’re both working,” Adrian acknowledged, filling a sauce pan with water and setting it on the stove. “They’re too exhausted to do more than eat and pass out.”

“That’s a silver lining, I guess,” It didn’t make Deran feel any better, but he’d let it go for the time being. “Let’s skip our history homework while you’re cooking. I can read our English assignment out loud to you instead.”

“You’re gonna read ‘ _The Outsiders_ ’ to me?” Adrian raised a brow. “I thought for sure you’d suggest we just watch the movie.”

“Craig said the teacher always shows us the movie after we finish the book,” So at least they had an easy day in class to look forward to in the near future. “He also said they’re going to make us re-read the book every year until high school.”

“Great...”

“Screw it. I’ll do homework later,” Deran closed his history book, shoving it into his backpack. “You want to go surfing Saturday?”

“Only if you can ditch the kid,” Adrian said wryly, superstitiously looking toward the den like he was afraid the boy might be eavesdropping. “I don’t really want to spend another weekend making sure he doesn’t drown or showing him how to throw rocks at cop cars.”

“I’m going to sneak out before anyone else wakes up,” If he wasn’t there, someone else would have to watch the kid. “That should give us a few hours before they figure out where we are and dump the kid on us.”

“A few hours in the water sounds great,” Adrian smiled, glancing up at the small monitor mounted to the wall in the corner of the kitchen. “Your mom’s home, by the way.”

“Already?” Deran look at the monitor himself, seeing his mother’s car on the feed from the driveway camera. “Damn.”

It’s not that Deran didn’t love his mom, it’s just that he didn’t like how tense the room got when she and Adrian were in it together. Smurf hadn’t liked Adrian from the get-go, and Deran could never understand why when he’d spent nearly a year singing Adrian’s praises prior to their introduction. He knew at least part of Smurf’s problem stemmed from Adrian staying over without permission, in fact Deran had to work up some crocodile tears just so she wouldn’t throw Adrian out of the house the first time she’d caught him. As for Adrian, well, Deran was well aware that his friend thought Smurf was an awful mother and a terrible human being, he never tried to hide it, even in Smurf’s presence.

“Hi, baby,” Smurf greeted him as she strolled into the kitchen. “Where’s J?”

“Watching TV,” Deran waved a hand toward the den. “He was hungry, so Adrian’s making him something to eat.”

“I can see that,” Smurf scowled at the other boy. “I don’t let my boys use the stove, it usually results in one of them almost burning the house down.”

“I use the stove all the time at home, haven’t burned it down yet,” Adrian retorted, but stepped away from the stove anyway. “But if you’d feel better doing it yourself, then by all means...”

“So generous of you to allow me to use my own appliances,” Smurf hip-checked him out of her way, taking control of the cooking. “I didn’t know you were coming over today.”

“Yeah, I asked him to come over,” Deran chimed in before his friend could say something snarky. “I needed help with my homework.”

“Funny, I don’t see any homework out,” Smurf stared pointedly at the zipped backpacks on the counter. “But if you need help with your homework, baby, I’ll help you.”

“Studying here after school is the only time Adrian and me get to spend together outside of school,” Although, Deran doubted that mattered to his mother in the slightest. “You know, since I always got the kid attached to my hip these days.”

“We all have to pick up your sister’s slack while she’s gone, you’re just going to have to suck it up and deal with it,” Smurf snapped, glaring at him. “It’s not my fault she can’t keep it together.”

“No, of course not,” Adrian remarked impassively as he slipped his book bag over his shoulder. “The way you treat Julia has nothing to do with her being an addict.”

“I did not make her a drug addict,” Smurf snarled, her temper on an exceptionally short leash where Adrian was concerned. “Parents are not responsible for every stupid thing their children do.”

“And children aren’t responsible for every dumb thing their parents do,” Adrian countered. “But my dad still says I’m the reason he drinks, so I guess blame goes both ways.”

“You are certainly one of the reasons I drink,” Smurf groused, pouring herself a tall glass of wine. “Your father might be onto something there.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Adrian shrugged, taking no offense from the dig. “I think I might be on to something with you to--”

“ _ **Adrian.**_ ” Deran cut him off, saying his name like a warning. “ _ **Stop.**_ ”

Stop getting Smurf riled up. Stop goading her. Stop pushing her buttons. Adrian would get to leave the house, but Deran had to stay, and while Smurf didn’t get physically violent like Adrian’s parents, she still had ways to punish him.

“Sorry,” Adrian apologized to Deran, but refused to offer one to Smurf.

“You know, Adrian,” Smurf paused briefly to sip her wine. “I get the feeling you don’t like me very much.”

“Oh yeah?” Adrian held her gaze, unflinching. “You should trust that instinct.”

“Well, the feeling’s mutual,” Smurf shot back over the rim of her wine glass. “And I liked it a lot better when you kept your mouth shut and didn't talk.”

“Everyone always says that.”

* * *

 

Aside from a stray liquor bottle here and there, the motorhome was usually pretty clean, it was the one thing Adrian could count on his dad for. _“We don’t have much, ‘cause we don’t need the clutter,”_ his father would say on the rare occasion Adrian or Jess asked for a material item. Adrian always thought it was a load of crap, like how his parents claimed they lived in trailer so they could move around easier, when in reality the trailer hadn’t moved an inch since before Adrian was born. Whatever the reason, the lack of clutter and his father’s cleanliness were the nicer parts of Adrian’s home life, so it was a little disconcerting to come home to see the place in a complete state of disarray.

Plastic dishes were strewn over the small counter, some caked in food, others freshly washed. The trashcan was tipped, leftover scraps and coffee grounds spilling onto the floor. Clothes that had been neatly folded and tucked away in overhead cupboards were thrown haphazardly across the table and piled onto the built-in couch.

For a moment, Adrian wondered if his parents had gotten into a fight while he was at school, but that theory was debunked by the sound of his dad stomping dirt off his boots as he climbed into the trailer, still wearing his safety vest and hardhat, sweating from a hard days work.

“Shit. She really did a number on this place,” His dad whistled, taking in the mess until his eyes landed on Adrian. “You’re home early.”

“I’m home late,” He usually came straight home after school to make his sister a snack before dropping her at a neighbor’s trailer and going to meet Deran. “What happened?”

“What it looks like,” The older man said, kicking off his work books. “Adrianna decided to upend every goddamn thing we owned to make sure she got her hands on every little thing she wanted before she hit the road.”

“H-Hit the road?” Adrian felt his stomach drop. “Where did she go?”

“How the hell should I know?” His dad grumbled, hanging his hardhat and vest from hooks by the door. “She stopped by the site on my lunch break, told me she was tired of our shit and was leaving town.”

“Our shit,” Tired of Adrian and his dad’s shot or shit between she and his dad? “But she had Jess. D-Did she leave her next door with Mrs. Turner?”

“Jess is with Adrianna,” His dad reported, scooping clothes off the couch table and adding them to the pile on the couch. “You don’t see any of your sister’s things around, do you?”

“I...” Adrian scanned the trailer, noticing his sister’s school bag, clothing, and toys were all missing. “Y- You let Mom take her away? Where are they going? When are they coming back?”

Adrian clutched his chest as his heart pounded frantically, his panic rising as he thought of his sister in the backseat of their mother’s car, confused and scared, not knowing where she was being taken or when she’d be coming back. Truth be told, Adrian could live without his mother, but Jess, he’d been taking care of her since the day she was born in that very trailer. His world revolved around Jess, and in the course of a couple hours that world had been snatch from him without warning or permission.

It wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair. It sure as hell wasn’t safe, because who would take care of Jess now? Who would make sure she ate and was put to bed one time? Who was going to get her up for school and help her with her homework? Who would cover her ears when people were yelling or protect her from the sharp sting of a belt when their mother was angry? It was his job to do all those things, he was her big brother, and she was his responsibility.

“I didn’t let Adrianna do anything. She made a choice,” His dad argued as he began separating the laundry. “If they come back at all, it’ll be because Adrianna got bored.”

“They have to come back,” They had to, because his mom could barely take care of herself and she’d never taken care of Jess on her own. “They need me-- _**us**_.”

“No, they don’t,” His dad shook his head. “And we don’t need them. They’re gone, we’re here, deal with it.”

“I can’t,” How was he supposed to deal with something he didn’t fully understand? “Why aren’t you mad at mom for taking Jess? For leaving us? For leaving….”

Adrian let the word die on his tongue, refusing to let it leave his mouth. He couldn’t bring himself to accept that the ache in his gut was about more than his sister, that it was about being left behind by his mother, discarded like a piece of garbage.

“Why did she leave _**you**_?” His father read his mind. “I can answer that for you.”

“No, thanks,” Adrian sniveled, tears stinging his eyes.

“You’re not her son, that’s why she left you behind,” The older man dropped the bomb, his voice lacking its usual cruelty. “She’s your sister’s mother, not yours, not biologically.”

“But I...” That didn’t make any sense. “I-I have her name.”

“That’s just a funny coincidence. Adrianna and I actually laughed about it when we first met. She introduced herself and I said, _‘Hey, my kid’s got a name like that.’_ ” His father chuckled recalling the memory. “Your real mother, her name’s Caroline.”

“Caroline,” He tested the name on his lips, decided it was pretty and that he might like it. “What happened to her?”

“We divorced when you were three months old,” His father revealed. “I met Adrianna a few weeks later.”

“That doesn’t answer the question,” Adrian didn’t care about where one relationship ended and the other began. “What happened to Caroline? Why don’t I remember her? Where is she? Is she dead?”

“Last I heard, she was alive and well, dealing cards in Vegas,” His father sad, pushing the laundry out of the way so he could sit on the sofa. “The last time you saw her, man, I don’t even think you were walking yet. Hey, did I ever tell you that you took your first steps at Pioneer Park in San Francisco?”

“Focus, Dad,” His childhood milestones were not the current topic of discussion. “When--”

“At least I think it was you,” His dad furrowed his brows. “You know, it could’ve been Jess.”

“Jess has never been to San Francisco,” Until now, Jess had never been out of Oceanside. “Why haven’t I seen Caroline since I was a baby?”

“She hasn’t wanted to see you,” His father pulled no punches. “She dropped you off with me, said she didn’t want to be a mother, and she left.”

“W-Why?” He knew better than to ask, it shouldn’t matter, not when Caroline was someone he couldn’t remember and someone he would probably never meet. “Why would she just leave? Did something happen? Did I do something to make her mad?”

“You were just a baby, what the hell could you have possibly done to her?” His father let him off the hook, much to his surprise. “She didn’t want to be your mother, neither does Adrianna. Apparently, the only one who knows how to deal with you is me.”

There was something about his father’s phrasing that triggered something inside of Adrian. He felt a dark kind of anger rise, bubbling up from somewhere cold and ugly. It was the kind of anger he always fought to push down, but this time the anger was winning the battle.

“So both my moms bail, and I get stuck with a drunk who can barely hold down a job,” Adrian spit as his sorry excuse for a father. “Lucky me.”

“Hey, I didn’t ask them to dump you on me either,” The older man sneered at him. “You should be thanking me for not dropping you off at social services the first chance I got.”

“You want me to thank you? For what? For doing the bare minimum of fatherly duties? Screw that and screw you,” Adrian was toeing the line here, agitating his father in a way he was always so careful not to, pushing the man closer and closer to the edge until he toppled right over it. “When you finally drink yourself to death, though, I'll be sure to thank whatever higher power listened to my prayers."

* * *

 

Deran had come to expect a soft tap on his bedroom window at a certain time of night to announce Adrian’s presence. It was usually about midnight, awhile after Adrian had gotten Jess ready for bed, and when he was sure Smurf had turned in for the night. Tonight, however, minutes ticked away on the click, 12:01a.m., 12:02a.m., 12:03a.m., and so on, and there was still no Adrian.

At 12:30, an uneasy feeling began to settle in Deran’s gut. By 12:45, he was out of bed and trading his pj’s for street clothes. 1:00a.m. on the dot, he was slipping out the window to locate his friend himself.

It wasn’t as if Adrian had never missed a night in the years he’d been staying over, there was no logical way he could be there every single night. It was just that on the nights he couldn’t make it, he made sure to tell Deran at school or at least call to let him know he wouldn’t be coming. It wasn’t like Adrian to stand him up.

With the uncharacteristic behavior in mind, Deran hopped on his bike and set out to search for him. He swung by the campground first, peeking into the windows of the Dolan trailer, only to see the place trashed and Mr. Dolan slumped over the table. Deran’s next stops were to the pier and their favorite surf spots, but his friend was nowhere in sight. He was beginning to give up hope when he stumbled upon him sitting cross-legged in the sand beneath a lifeguard tower.

Deran sighed in relief, dropping his bike onto the path and crossing the beach on foot, getting to his knees to crawl beneath the tower to join Adrian. He situated himself beside his friend, catching a glimpse of moonlight glinting off the barrel of a silver revolver in Adrian’s hands.

“Holy shit!” Deran shrieked, yanking the gun from his friend’s grip and tossing it several feet away toward the shoreline. “What the hell were you doing with that thing?”

Adrian kept his mouth shut and his wet eyes pinned on the waterfront. It was only when Deran got a clear look at his face that he saw the bloody nose, split lip, and bruises beginning to form on his cheeks, around his left eye, and ones shaped like fingers encircling his neck like a vice.

“What...What happened?” Deran swallowed thickly, suddenly nauseous. “Your dad did this to you, didn’t he?”

“It’s my fault,” Adrian mumbled, wiping blood and snot from his nose. “I said things. I was asking for it.”

“Bullshit,” No kid asked for a beat down from their parents. “Wait. The gun. Did you...- ‘Cause I saw him at the trailer…I thought he was just passed out.”

“I didn’t use it on him,” Adrian said grimly, clenching his empty fists. “I just needed it.”

“For what?”

Adrian gave Deran nothing, remained defiantly tight-lipped. Deran had to dig his hands into the sand to keep from grabbing his friend by the shoulders and giving him a good shake.

“Don’t you dare go quiet on me right now.” Deran couldn’t handle the silence. “Talk. Talk about anything, I don’t care. Just talk.”

“Jess is gone,” Adrian admitted, biting back a sob. “My mo-- _Adrianna_ , she took her away. That girls day thing was a lie. She packed up their stuff and just left.”

“I’m sorry, Adrian,” Deran felt for him, he did, he knew how close the Dolan siblings were. “But that’s no reason to come out here with a gun. Jess is gone, sure, but she’s not dead, you’ll see her and your mom again.”

“Don’t call her that! Don’t call Adrianna my mom!” Adrian shouted, but there was no heat in his tone, only anguish and despair. “She’s not my real mom.”

“What do you mean?” Deran had a hunch Adrian severing his relationship with Adrianna was more than just a reaction to the abandonment.

“My real mom’s name is Caroline,” Adrian rolled the name awkwardly on his tongue, as if it were foreign word he wasn’t quite sure how to pronounce yet. “Dad told me about her tonight, like he thought it would make me feel better or something.”

“Well, what happened to her?”

“She didn’t want me. She left me with my dad and left town,” Adrian’s breath hitched as tears began pouring from his eyes. “Same thing with Adrianna, I guess. They both left town, left me.”

“A, it doesn’t...” Deran scooted closer to his friend until they were touching from hip to shoulder. “It doesn’t mean anything about you. It’s them, they’re weak.”

“They didn’t want me, Deran. Dad doesn’t either, he said as much. I’m just something he has to deal with. He doesn’t want me. My moms don’t want me,” Adrian sobbed, his entire body trembling. “Nobody wants me.”

“I do,” Deran murmured, wiping away his friend’s tears with the sleeve of his shirt. “I want you...I want you around.”

* * *

 

Pope didn’t sleep much, never really had. He was always the first one up for the day and the last one down for the night, if he slept at all. Most nights, a complete inability to relax, close his eyes and drift kept him up, but tonight it was his baby brother.

He’d heard Deran sneak out around the same time his friend usually snuck in, and figured there was a correlation there. He wouldn’t be worried about it if not for the fact that he was almost certain Adrian’s home life was similar to Baz’s before he moved in, and Deran was stupid enough to butt into it if he thought he was helping his friend. Pope could count on one hand the number of people Deran was protective of, and Adrian might’ve been at the top of that list. The pair shuffling through the back door at 2:00a.m. only served to drive home that point.

Deran appeared unharmed, but battle weary, like the night had taught him a thing or two that turned his world upside down. Adrian was a different story, his battle was of the physical variety, as evidenced by the dried blood and bruises painting his pale face.

“Deran go get the first aid kit,” Pope instructed his baby brother. “Unless you want the mess that used to be his face to get infected.”

“Can’t you do it?” Deran protested leaving his friends side. “And I can--”

“Go, Deran,” Pope turned the request into an order. “Now.”

“Fine,” Deran sagged in defeat, gazing at the boy beside him. “I’ll be right back.”

Adrian didn’t seem as nervous to be left in Pope’s presence as Deran was to leave him. He remained passive, even when Pope curled his fingers around his bicep and tugged him over to the kitchen table. The only reaction he got from the kid was a pained grunt when he pushed him into an empty chair.

“Your old man did a number on you this time, huh,” Pope mentioned as he inspected the damage. “Anything broken?”

“No,” Adrian replied, wrapping an around his rib cage. “Just sore.”

“Sure,” He wouldn’t push, knowing the kid was more likely to shut down completely than allow Pope to see the injuries hidden beneath his clothing. “So long as there’s nothing that’s going to cause you to drop dead in the middle of the night.”

The kid had no response to that, just stared him down with a blank face until Deran returned with the first aid supplies.

“Here,” Deran handed the kit to Pope without prompting. “Be careful, okay?”

“Sit down, Deran, you’re blocking the light,” Pope huffed, soaking a cotton ball in peroxide. “I’m not gonna hurt your boy.”

“I can do it myself,” Adrian said, jerking out of Pope’s reach. “I’ll do it.”

“You’ll sit still,” Pope didn’t give him a choice, grabbing him by the chin to keep him in place. “This is gonna hurt, but I’d bet you and pain are old friends.”

“You could say that,” Adrian muttered bitterly. “I really can do it myself.”

“You can also sit here and let me do it,” Pope dabbed the cotton ball over the kids cheek and nose. “Baz would take beatings for his mom when he lived at home. That what you’re doing?”

“No,” Adrian scoffed as if he found the idea ridiculous. “I don't take them for my dad, either. Taking a beating for either of them would be detrimental to my plan to let them kill each other in a drunken rage.”

“Okay,” That was cold, but Pope understood where the kid was coming from and respected his honesty. “Something will have to give eventually, you know that, right? Someone’s going to end up killing someone.”

“I’ll be fine,” Adrian brushed off the concern, glancing across the table to Deran. “You picked the gun up, right? ‘Cause I got to put that back or my dad will actually kill me.”

“I have it,” Deran took a revolver from the waistband of his jeans and set it on the tabletop. “I tossed the bullets.”

“Oh, that’s really helpful,” Adrian griped, glaring at his friend.

“You even know how to use a gun?” Pope asked, taking the weapon for himself to keep it out of the kids’ hands. “I swear to god, if you say point and shoot--”

“I’ve seen my dad shoot beer bottles off a fence post lots of times,” Adrian argued like that made him some sort of expert on the subject. “I haven’t shot _that_ gun before, but Dad’s tried to get me to use a shotgun when he took me hunting.”

“ _Tried_ to get you to use a shotgun, as in you didn’t,” That was an important distinction to Pope. “So you’ve never shot a gun, period. If that’s the case, you shouldn’t be carrying one.”

“Like you said, something’s gonna give eventually,” Adrian retorted, snatching the cotton ball out of Pope’s hands so he could tend to his own wounds. “I’m not going to let one of them win.”

“Yeah, well, untrained, you’re more likely to hurt yourself with that gun than anyone else,” So Pope would be holding on to the revolver for the time being. “Look, you two should get to bed, it’s late.”

“Yeah, come on,” Deran yawned, getting up from the table. “You can have the bed tonight, Adrian.”

“I can sleep on the floor,” Adrian teetered unsteadily as he got to his feet. “I’m fine.”

“You gotta argue about everything, don’t you?” Pope glowered at the kid. “Just go the fuck to bed. I don’t care who sleeps where.”

“Fine.”

“And don’t worry about getting up early,” Pope knew the kid liked to make himself scarce before Smurf got up, but it wouldn’t be necessary in the morning. “I’ll cover for you.”

“Thanks.”

* * *

 

Convincing Adrian to lie down on Deran’s bed took more effort than Deran was expecting, and in the end it took a guilt trip and Deran’s best sad eyes to do it. The pain from his wounds kept him from getting comfortable, but with the help of one of Craig’s vicodin he managed to doze off. Deran watched him for awhile, afraid something awful might happen if he looked away for a moment.

He didn’t know how long he just stared for, but it was long enough for his eyes to grow heavy and for him to nearly fall asleep standing up. He knew he should make a pallet on the floor, as Adrian usually did, or go out to the den and crash on the couch, but he couldn’t bring himself to do either. For reasons he didn’t quite understand, he found himself moving toward the bed instead of away from it.

Cautious of Adrian’s injuries, Deran pulled back the comforter and slid into bed behind his friend, curling his body around him, and draping an arm gently around his waist. Adrian startled at his touch, rousing from his slumber.

“It’s just me,” Deran whispered soothingly into his ear, and Adrian buried his face in the pillow, returning to oblivion without so much as a word.

Before Deran could join him in dreamland, the door lurched open and Smurf stuck her head into the room. Hatred and betrayal burned in her brown orbs as she took in Adrian’s sleeping form and Deran’s arm wrapped around him. Deran’s anxiety ratcheted up a few thousand notches under his mother’s scrutiny, but he didn’t let Adrian go, if he did he’d be giving her something important, he wasn’t sure what, but it was something he couldn’t lose. So he tightened his hold on Adrian rather than loosening it, closed his eyes, and let himself drift off, ignoring his mother all together.

* * *

 

Despite Pope’s insistence that Adrian could sleep in, he was the one to wake Adrian up at the crack of dawn, ushering him out of bed and into the truck. They drove for what felt like hours in relative silence until they reached a stretch of desert out of view of the highway.

“You up for this?” Pope asked, removing the keys from the ignition. “Tell me now if you’re not.”

“Up for what?” Adrian was at a loss, having followed Pope to the desert without a single question of where they were going or why. “What are we doing?”

“You’re going to learn to shoot,” Pope took Adrian’s father’s gun from the center console. “You need to know how to protect yourself.”

“I know how to protect myself,” He was still too small to physically defend himself from his parents wrath, but he was well versed in how to survive it. “I don’t...I don’t know if I want to know how to use a gun.”

“You seemed pretty sure about using one last night.”

“That was last night,” Adrian had been running on adrenaline when he’d stolen the gun, but now his mind was clear and there was no immediate threat. “I was angry and...my head gets all cloudy when I’m like that. I don’t want to get angry again and make a mistake by using a gun.”

“Defending yourself is never a mistake,” Pope said firmly, a look on his face that said Adrian better believe him or else. “And if your dad’s going to keep a gun in the trailer, you need to learn to use it, to be safe with it.”

“I get what you’re trying to do,” Adrian appreciated that one of Deran’s brother’s cared enough to make the effort, but he wasn’t sure if he could do what Pope wanted him to do. “I don't want to hurt anyone.”

“But you don't want anyone to hurt you either,” Pope held the revolver out to him. “Learn how to use this and no one is ever going to touch you in anger again. You got it?”

“Yeah,” Adrian let his uncertainty fall away as he took the gun from Pope, testing the weight of it in his hands. “I got it.”

“You know, even after this, I can talk to your dad for you,” Pope volunteered, but there was something in his eyes that suggested there wouldn’t be much talking going on. “I can make him understand how things have to be.”

“No,” Adrian didn’t need a Cody to save him. “I can do it.”

* * *

 

That night, when Adrian got home, he gave his father back his gun, but not before setting a few things straight. He held the revolver up confidently, showing his father everything Pope had taught him that day, stopping short of actually firing the gun. He told his dad how easy it had been to take the gun from him in the first place, and how simple it would be to get another one since he knew all the right people, and that he should think about that the next time he thought about laying a hand on him.

Adrian had postured and lied his way through the entire ordeal, pretending to be fearless and strong. He didn’t waiver, didn’t let his hand shake or his breath hitch. He was scared out of his mind, but he showed no weakness.

He had mentally prepared for a fight with his dad, because there was always a fight, but the asshole found a way to throw him off balance. His father had grinned proudly, cackled and clapped him on the shoulder, praising him for finally growing a set of balls. At the end of the night, Adrian couldn’t say if he'd won or lost, but there was now a line drawn in the sand that his father could cross at his own risk, so maybe it was a draw.


	4. julia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set a little while after the last chapter.

The campground where Adrian lived wasn’t the kind of place that would appeal to tourists. Most of the people who stayed there were down on their luck families trying to get back on their feet, but there were also some sketchy folks to that normal people would cross the street to avoid. The sketchy ones didn’t scared Adrian all that much, he was used to them, but he still kept the motorhome locked up tight when he was there alone, and only answered late night knocks with his hockey stick lodged firmly in his grip.

“Whoa!” Deran shrieked, ducking to avoid being bludgeoned by Adrian’s chosen weapon of self-defense. “Calm down. It’s just me.”

“Sorry,” Adrian lowered the stick. “What are you doing here? I was just about to head over to your place.”

“Change of plans. I had Craig drop me off,” Deran said, fidgeting with the strap of his backpack. “Can I crash here tonight?”

“Yeah, sure,” Adrian moved from the doorway to allow his friend inside. “Is everything okay?”

“Smurf and Julia are going at it again,” Deran shrugged, climbing into the trailer. “Where’s your dad?”

“Vegas,” Adrian flicked the lock on the door and returned his hockey stick to its rightful place beside it. “He said he was either going to find me a new mom or win enough money to get us a nicer motorhome.”

“Must be feeling lucky,” Deran quipped, toeing off his sneakers and dropping his backpack onto the table. “Have you talked to your mom since she bailed? Adrianna, I mean.”

“She finally called the other night,” Adrian hadn’t been expecting any kind of call from her, but he’d still waited by the phone at certain times of day, every day, since she’d left. “Jess refused to sleep unless she could talk to me.”

“Your sister’s always loved you more than your parents,” Deran chuckled. “Did Adrianna say anything to you? Tell you why she left?”

“She apologized for leaving me behind. Said she’d come get me for a weekend or something once they got their own place,” Adrian wouldn’t hold his breath on that one, but he did believe her apology was sincere. “They’re living with a relative of hers right now, but I don’t know where.”

“But they’re okay?”

“Sounded like it, yeah,” They’d both been a little sad, but neither had sounded scared or angry. “So Smurf and Julia are fighting again already? I thought it’d be calmer since Julia got out of rehab.”

“It’s worse when Julia’s sober,” Deran grumbled, stretching out on the small, sorry excuse for a couch. “I think Mom actually likes it better when Julia’s high.”

“Julia’s easier to use when she’s strung out. Your mom can promise her whatever she needs to get that next fix, and she’ll do whatever Smurf wants her to do to get it,” Adrian pointed out. “But when she’s sober and clearheaded, she’ll put up a fight, question Smurf’s orders.”

“Tell me about it,” Deran huffed. “This time, Smurf wanted Julia to take J with her on our next job, to help distract that guards. Julia lost it.”

“Well, duh,” Unlike Smurf, Julia actually gave a shit about her kid, from what Adrian had seen anyway. “Julia doesn’t want her son to commit his first felony before he can read.”

“Something like that, yeah,” Deran murmured, biting his lip. “It just got really bad and really loud, and I...I just couldn’t be there anymore.”

“You were right to come here,” Lucky too, considering Adrian’s dad was away. “I go to your place when I don’t feel like I can be here anymore.”

“What are we supposed to do on nights when Smurf and Julia are fighting and your dad’s being an asshole?” Deran asked, brows furrowed. “We need a place, one just for us.”

“I’m open to suggestions.”

“Well, I don’t have any right now,” Deran admitted sheepishly. “But when I do, I’ll tell you.”

“Cool.”

* * *

 

Being rudely woken up to some douchebag banging on the trailer door at who-the-fuck-knows o-clock in the morning was not how Deran would’ve liked to start the day. Adrian must have felt the same way if the indignant grunt coming from the back of the motorhome was anything to go by.

“Oh, my god,” Deran groaned as the thump of his friends footfalls joined the pounding on the door. “Who is that?”

“I don’t know,” Adrian mumbled groggily, pushing back the curtain on the window to peek outside. “Oh, crap.”

“Who is it?” Deran asked again, rubbing sleep crust from his eyes. “The landlord or something?”

“Worse,” Adrian spit out, unlatching the door and shoving it open. “Your mother.”

“Fuck,” Deran grimaced, covering his face with a pillow while the trailer rocked from the force of his mother stomping her way inside. “That is worse.”

“Deran Cameron Cody,” Smurf straight up full-named him as she yanked the pillow off his face. “What the hell do you think you’re doing here?”

“Sleeping,” He said dumbly. “What are you doing here?”

“You know the rules, if you want to have a sleepover with one of your friends, you do it at home,” Smurf snarled, ripping the thin blanket off him. “You don’t goto their houses or trailers, especially not this vagrant infested shithole.”

“Jesus,” Adrian mumbled under his breath. “It’s too early to deal with this control freak.”

“Get up. Get dressed.” Smurf ordered him. “We’re leaving.”

“I’ve got school in, like,” Deran glanced at the clock hanging crookedly on the wall. “An hour. Adrian and I were gonna walk together.”

“You’re not walking, I will drive you,” Smurf put her foot down as she gathered his jeans off the floor and dumped them on his lap. “On the way, you can tell me why you disappeared in the middle of the night.”

“I was sick of listening to you and Julia scream at each other,” Deran groused, slipping on his pants. “If you’re taking me to school, you’re taking Adrian too.”

“I helped you last night,” Adrian glowered at him. “Why are you punishing me?”

“Don’t be such a drama queen,” Deran rolled his eyes at his friend. “We’re going to that same place, so you either drive us both or we walk, Smurf.”

“Don’t give me ultimatums, baby,” Smurf cautioned her youngest. “Your sister already has me on my last nerve. You do not want to push me today.”

“Careful, Deran, she might take away your jet ski or dirt bike,” Adrian taunted mockingly. “If she’s real mad, she’ll take your surfboards.”

“Well, at least I won’t turn him into my human punching bag,” Smurf sneered, staring down her nose at Adrian, like he were a bug she wanted to squash. “Where is your father, by the way?”

“Work.” The lie rolled off Adrian’s tongue in a well-practiced motion.

“Work?” Smurf repeated the word back to him.

“Yeah, it’s that place people go to earn money in exchange for services,” Adrian explained, face blank and impassive. “I know it’s an unfamiliar concept to you.”

“You sure about that, baby?” Smurf asked, tilting her head curiously. “Your daddy’s never been one for the straight and narrow lifestyle.”

“What would you know about it?” Adrian crossed his arms over his chest defensively.

“More than you’d like me to. Hank and I go _**way**_ back,” She smirked, pleased to have regained the upperhand. “If you’d like that ride to school, I suggest you get dressed.”

“You know what, I’m good,” Adrian decided, leaning back against the kitchen counter. “It’s a nice day, I think I’ll walk.”

“Now who’s punishing who?” Deran grumbled irritably, shoving his feet in his shoes. “Damn it.”

* * *

 

Adrian could hear yelling coming from the Cody house from halfway down the block, he was sure the only reason the neighbors hadn’t called the cops was because they feared the queen’s retribution. He scaled the short fence surrounding the property, listening to the shouts grow louder as he made his way around the side of the house to Deran’s room. Deran’s bedroom window was open, as usual, making it easy for Adrian to lever himself up and through it.

Deran was pressed up against the headboard on his bed, knees drawn to his chest, arms swirled around them. His face was red with anger and his tired eyes were pinned on the bedroom door, like he was afraid his mom and sister might bring the fight to him. Adrian did the only thing he could think of to comfort his friend.

He crawled into bed beside Deran, sitting on his knees next to him, and covered Deran’s ears with the palms of his hands to block out Smurf and Julia’s screaming match. Deran didn’t balk or fight the coddling, he relaxed into it, turning his head to hide his face in Adrian’s shirt.

“It’s okay,” Adrian whispered soothingly. “I’ve got you.”

* * *

 

No matter how hard he tried, Deran couldn’t fall asleep, even after the fighting had died down he could only manage to doze. He dozed curled against Adrian, his head resting on his friend’s chest, moving with the rise and fall of it, listening to his heart beat beneath his ear. Adrian wasn’t sleeping either, his hands were busy stroking the length of Deran’s back in long, circular motions, stopping only when a soft tap on the bedroom door startled them both to stillness.

“Sorry, babies,” Julia smiled apologetically as she stepped into the room. “I didn’t want to wake you, but I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye.”

“Goodbye?” Deran heart sunk. “Where are you going?”

“Smurf told me to get my shit and get the hell out,” Julia sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed. “J and I are leaving.”

“But only for the night or a couple days, right?” Deran couldn’t imagine his sister being gone more than a few weeks at the most. “Smurf will calm down and you’ll come home?”

“Not this time, babe,” She leaned over him to kiss his cheek. “When I get settled, I’ll come pick you up after school and we’ll hang out.”

“Okay,” Deran swallowed around the lump in his throat. “I- I love you.”

“I love you too, baby brother,” Julia kissed his cheek once more. “I’ll see you soon.”

Watching his sister walkout of the room, Deran couldn’t shake the gnawing feeling that they wouldn’t see each other again for a long time. The thought made him shudder and tears burn his eyes.

“Hey,” Adrian tightened his hold on him. “She’s tough. She’ll be okay.”

“Maybe,” But Julia wasn’t the only one he was worried about. “When you’re not here, I sleep on the floor in her room at night. Smurf doesn’t go in there.”

“Does Julia know?” Adrian asked, resuming his ministrations on Deran’s back. “Does she know why you can’t be alone in this house at night?”

“I haven’t told her anything,” He’d be surprised if she wasn’t at least suspicious of Deran’s reasons for sleeping in her bedroom on certain nights. “She’s never asked why or told me to go back to my room. She just covers me up with a blanket.”

“Hmm,” Adrian considered it for a moment before untangling himself from Deran. “I’ll be right back. Okay?”

“I guess.”

* * *

 

Adrian intercepted Julia as she was carrying her sleeping son from the house to her clunker of a car.

“Julia!” He called out, crossing the driveway to meet her on the curb. “Wait.”

“Hey, sunshine,” Julia greeted him warmly. “What’s going on?”

“Take Deran with you,” It killed Adrian to say it when he had no idea where she was going or when she’d be back, but he knew Deran couldn’t be left in Smurf’s care. “Smurf hurts him, you know she does.”

“I would take Deran with me if I could,” She pursed her lips, gazing longingly at her childhood home. “Smurf would call the cops, tell them I kidnapped him. I’d go to jail. She’d get custody of J. She would have both of them.”

“He’s not safe here,” None of the Cody children were safe with Smurf, not really, but Deran was the only one Adrian cared about at the moment. “What’s he supposed to do?”

“I know you’ll protect him when you can,” Julia adjusted her son in her arms so she could reach out and squeeze Adrian’s shoulder firmly. “But Deran’s going to have to learn to protect himself eventually, especially from Smurf.”

“What if he can’t?”

“You have to teach him,” Julia insisted. “I’m counting on you. You’re gonna look out for him, right?”

“Yeah,” Adrian had been looking out for Deran since they were little kids, he had no intention of stopping now or ever. “Always.”

“Pinky promise?” She moved the hand off her shoulder to offer him her pinky.

“Oh, come on,” Adrian scoffed. “I’m not five.”

“I’m serious, Dolan,” She wiggled her finger at him. “You promise me you’ll look out for my little brother.”

“Fine,” He relented, linking his pinky with hers. “I promise.”

“Good,” She ruffled his hair. “I’m gonna hold you to that.”

“Are you gonna be okay?” Adrian didn’t have much confidence in any of the Codys abilities to take care of themselves, but he hoped Julia could prove him wrong. “Maybe Pope should go with you, to help with J or something.”

“Pope has to stay here to handle Baz, and to make sure Craig and Deran and _you_ don’t get into too much trouble,” Julia grinned softly. “You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll be all right, sunshine.”

“Why do you call me that?”

“’Cause you brighten any room you walk into, even when you’re scowling,” She rubbed the scrunched up skin lines on his forehead. “Take care of yourself and my brother, okay?”

“I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Craig and Adrian bond during a roadtrip.

**Author's Note:**

> Next: At the Cody house for his first sleepover, Adrian picks up on something off about Smurf's relationship with Deran.  
> PREVIEW: _"I liked it better when you didn't talk."_


End file.
